Where I'm at....

Last weekend I was going to blog like I always do, but then received a jolt if you will about where I am mentally and physically to date. I decided not blog because well, I was angry. Very angry would be more truthful. My anger was solely generated at myself. I had reflected on what I had accomplished to date and what I would need to do get some numbers up and so on but I was only looking at a small part of my “numbers”. I took a step back and looked at my life as a whole. My wife Judi and I had a long chat about where I was and where I should be….we were worlds apart. I was looking back at my numbers and saw them dip in April, now why was that, oh yeah twin boys were now home and sleep and time was immediately erased. Oh, numbers were up at the end of July and early August…oh yeah I was on holidays and had an awesome time getting in the work I needed to push to the next level. So on and so on. Problem is I’ve been too busy looking at my excel spreadsheet to miss my life around me passing me by. During my holidays I had gotten into a great routine but it didn’t involve my family as much. I mean I was still doing family things and duties around the house but something always had to fall off to meet my selfish requirements. I use the word selfish, maybe that’s a little harsh but its how it feels. It took me being on my holidays for my one son to actually recognize me and bond with me for the first time….he’s now five months old. That’s what hit me last weekend. Now again I can hear people saying reprioritize and time manage a little better but here’s the deal, I do that. Everyone has excuses why they can’t do this or that, and I respect everyone’s life and routine but mine is different. I was doing a lot of what we are undertaking right now last year leading up to this. When I looked at my spreadsheet over the past year I saw a battle. I have to fight for spare minutes to get pushups and situps in while I try to get my boys to nap for fifteen minutes. I fight fatigue to get up and run on less than five hours of sleep – one to two hour increments at a time to jog before running to work and so on. I have to fight to get time and most often it has taken me away from my family. I’m not home on Monday nights, Thursdays for practises, Fridays for class and then try to get out on Saturdays for open training/sparring/ practises. My wife spends the entire day at home with the boys, when I am not at home for the evening that’s a lot of strain on her. Many of us don’t have to fight for time, some do, but my other challenge has been a lack of sleep. After all these months my body has not been able to get the rest to maintain itself and last weekend just seemed to shut down. I hit the wall and it has taken me a week of minimal physical work to feel some energy again. I asked myself one important question last weekend, what am I doing this for? Is this for my ego to have that second stripe on my belt? To prove that I can do this all? I already know I can. Was it to prove I can do it with a new family during the year? When my wife and I were in our prenatal classes we spoke with families with multiples and they all agreed on two things. One, your life will dramatically be altered and revolve around the twins. Two, don’t even think about taking on any new courses, challenges, teams, activities for the first year. Yeah, didn’t catch that one. So now what. Well, first my family gets more of me; it’s my priority first and foremost. Second, I will continue to do all my UBBT goals and improve myself as a whole. I really have made great strides with the UBBT and am proud to be where I am. One thing that was lacking for myself, and I can’t stress this enough, to all of us on the team and people thinking about joining this team in the future, make this YOUR UBBT. This is your challenge, your journey. The numbers are the same for all of us but that’s not the point, this is your life to change, challenge and improve upon. If you look at it as just numbers or a set of hoops to jump through, look again. This is your masterpiece to build for you. There is only one you so live it. Find your passion in whatever it is you do and realize you CAN accomplish anything.

Sifu Bryant